I told myself after finishing up the rest of my work from home, I’d smoke a little weed so I can pack and go to sleep in order to be up before 6am. I somehow thought this would be an easy task. It made sense to me sober. It was like I thought I could actually avoid this current state of eating salty chips on the edge of my bed while my room has little piles of clothes strewn around a dufflebag. What the hell was I thinking? Pfft, I didn’t want to go to Las Vegas anyways.

…or so I’ve always told myself. But I think I’ve always told myself that because I’ve been too afraid of going outside my comfort zone for any reason. Or been too scared to try anything I might fail at because I’ve failed so much in my life I don’t how much more I can take. Or because any of the “accomplishments” I ever got I never really felt like I did anything special to earn.

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After seeing him perform once again, this time at The Glass House in Pomona, I realized this. The way his fans adore him for who he is—the absolute nerd-to-the-core-and-proud demeanor. As he said during the set, “I love to play heavy metal!” That’s why he was there, to play his unique brand of heavy metal that brings unimaginable joy to thousands every year—even if it’s just for an hour. Or even less.

And that’s when I realized that’s also what I live for, the little moments in life. The ones that bring joy, pleasure and happiness to myself and others. Well, that’s when I REALLY realized it. Seeing the mantra I use in big bold letters on the screen behind him really made something click: LAUGH. LOVE. LIVE. LEARN. (minus Learn. But now I’m going to use it.)

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